The Simplest Forgiveness Process And The Most Powerful.

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The Simplest Forgiveness Method: “I forgive.”

Once you have the incentive to forgive try this method. It originally came from a friend, Rosie Rodriguez, in Santa Rosa, California, who taught people to use a set of 490 forgiveness beads. The beads come from the question to Jesus on how many times we are to forgive. His answer was 70×7. It is simple, yet it works!

  1. Think of a person you are upset with.
  2. Say, “I forgive.”
  3. Do this over and over. After each 10 to 15 repetitions, think of something you are grateful for.
  4. At some point, you will feel a shift in your perspective. It’s a change in attitude, a lightening of spirit, a feeling of love, or new insight about the benefit of forgiving.

This simple method is effective for both small and large offenses and hurts.

LovingKindness Blessing

The exercise below is the most effective tool I’ve found in my fifty years of counseling. I’m astounded at its power to help people feel better in a short time. For that reason, it is used all over the world, with variations of it in several religions. It predates Christianity and Buddhism.  The Indian saint, Mahatma Gandhi, was a strong advocate of its use. It is also known as Maitrī or Metta.1 A good book on the subject is Loving-kindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness by Sharon Salzberg.

People in my counseling, classes, and groups have had significant success in feeling better about people and life by using the following affirmation or blessing. I put together these blessings from the different Maitrī and Metta ones I found on the web.

This method directly addresses the well-being of another—the result of forgiving. Those who practiced it daily experienced significant positive changes in the brain and body, including lowered stress response and even reduced inflammation. Participants reported being more satisfied with their lives, having an overall sense of well-being, and experiencing fewer depression symptoms.2 Research in 2016 showed positive emotions, positive social connections, and physical health influence as a result of this blessing/meditation.3

I’ve seen it help people heal when they hit tough times, even in drug and alcohol recovery and loss of a loved one. I’ve found, if you say it sincerely for others, and you can get the same blessing as someone saying it for you.

It is best to do it with your full intention and to visualize the result for the offender. The more you see the positive results for the person in your mind, the more helpful the affirmation can be for you.

In one of the most challenging forgiveness works I did in my life, I finally started making headway by using this blessing for the person involved, saying it over and over for days. It worked. At first, I had to fake it, but I finally made it to where I wanted those things for the person. I realized that if that person really had what the affirmation or blessing intends, the situation would not have happened.

Do this. Initially, you don’t have to say it for someone you are upset with but for someone you care about. It has the power to take your mind off being upset and stressed. Say it several times for someone you love and have affection for—mother or father or both, or a good friend—anyone you have good feelings for or want to have good feelings for.

  • May you be safe.
  • May you be well.
  • May you be happy.
  • May you be free from suffering.
  • May you be filled with love and kindness.
  • May you be filled with joy.
  • May you be at peace and at ease.

Adapt this affirmation in any way that you see fit.  I have often shortened it to:  “May you be safe, well, and happy. Free from suffering;

Filled with loving-kindness, peace, and joy.”

Also, for those who like to do positive affirmations – picturing the person in a positive state, you can say, “You are safe, well, and happy, Free from suffering…” etc.

Any variations are an excellent evening practice with anyone you are even a little bothered with during the day. If you can’t think of someone, it is terrific to do for a person you love and appreciate to put yourself in a better mood.

Traditionally, it is done first for people we feel close to, then for those we are neutral toward, and then those we are upset with.

 

  1. Maitrī (2021) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maitrī retrieved 1/17/2021
  2. Wilson, A., (2014) “Loving-Kindness Meditation and Change,” Huffington Post, retrieved 12/15/2017, https://www.huffingtonpost.com/kripalu/loving-kindness-meditation_b_3961300.html
  3. Kok, B. E., Coffey, K. A., Cohn, M. A., Catalino, L. I., Vacharkulksemsuk, T., Algoe, S. B., Brantley, M., & Fredrickson, B. L. (2013). How positive emotions build physical health: perceived positive social connections account for the upward spiral between positive emotions and vagal tone. Psychological science, 24(7), 1123–1132.